Seeing both sides

By Isabel Jarvo

jarv0039@algonquincollege.com

On Remembrance Day, I don’t feel I fit in.

Sure, I’m standing there, teary-eyed, proud and thankful of the sacrifice of our soldiers just like everyone else. But when I’m touching shoulders with a recent widow with two young children, or a soldier who came back home missing an arm or a leg, I sink back into the crowd feeling guilty and ashamed.

You see, my father works for a large Canadian defence company. They provide more than 20 countries with technology that is used in combat all over the world. In this modern day, and with the present situation in the Middle East, there’s no doubt that his finished work is being used by our troops overseas. Because of his job, wars will continue to flourish and soldiers will continue to die.

Years ago, my father set up a scholarship fund for me through his work. I’m using it to pay for my schooling. The money is just as good as everyone else’s, and he’s worked just as hard as anybody out there to provide it.

But when I go to pay my tuition it’s hard to forget where this money comes from. Without the war, my father’s company would have limited reasons to supply Canadian troops, and he would be out of a job.

It’s a strange balancing act, where I am both grateful and saddened by my father’s career choice. He has been a great provider, but at what cost? How many lives lost? When do I stop feeling bad for not being on the streets, poor and broke?

I wish finding an answer were simple.

While some soldiers might feel guilty for their acts during war, sometimes it’s those who stay at home who wonder if they are any better, or worse, than those causing the wars in the first place.